If I Walk Away
by ninasdreams
Summary: It seems that no matter what she does, Emma Swan is always running. But now there's nowhere left to run to and Emma has to make some choices. Where is home? And with whom? [Captain Swan, background Snowing; NOT anti-Neal]
1. Chpt 1: Escaping Neverland

**_So here it is, the fruits of my NaNo labor. This is the first multi-chapter fic I've taken on in awhile, and I'm beyond excited to share it. It is also being cross-posted to AO3 under the same pseud and on Tumblr as reignofdreams. I have most of this story written out, and what's not is plotted in detail so updates should be regular. Enjoy!_**

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**Chapter 1: Escaping Neverland**

_Lately, I've been the quiet one_  
_Waiting searching the lines of songs you played for me._  
_Sailing into the misty air,_  
_Fading bound for I don't know where,_  
_When I'm there I'll see._

_~ If I Walk Away, Josh Groban_

_..._

Running. Why does her life always involve running?

Emma slaps another branch out of her way, tightening her clammy grip as Henry's hand starts to slip from hers. They're both panting from exertion, the crashing of their flight through Neverland's clawing jungle echoing all around them as the other members of their makeshift rescue party flank them and keep pace.

A wayward branch catches her cheek, the sting of the shallow scratch making her even more hyper aware of her surroundings. She can't hear the Lost Boys following them over their own stampede, but Emma's under no illusions that they've given up the chase.

_Pan's livid green eyes as Regina and Gold trap him in Pandora's Box promise unimaginable pain and suffering in retribution for his imprisonment, and it has Emma sending up a silent prayer that they will never have to find out just what that revenge entails. The furious screech of Pan's shadow as its master is locked away jolts everyone into action._

_Pan's second—Felix, Hook had called him—barks out an enraged order and the Lost Boys charge them with a roar._

_Emma grabs Henry without hesitation, Neal hoisting the newly freed Wendy onto his back, and they all make a hasty retreat. Gold and Regina stay behind, throwing up a wall of magic to give them a head start._

Emma feels an awkward jolt to her arm as Henry stumbles. She meets his wide eyes, trying to school her expression into something urgent but in control as she helps him quickly to his feet. She's not sure she succeeds.

"Hurry, lass!" she hears at her shoulder as Hook catches up and gives them both a light push to get them going again. "The devils are gaining on us rather quickly."

Emma just nods breathlessly as she wills herself to go faster, mentally apologizing to Henry for the punishing grip she has on his wrist. There will definitely be bruises on his arm when this is all over with, but it's really a small price to pay if it means having her son back safe and sound. She knows Henry will forgive her.

"Are we getting close?!" Emma hears Snow call out behind her.

"Aye," Hook bites out at her side. "Just a bit farther and we'll—"

Whatever he's going to say dies on his lips and Emma hears Neal gasp in shock as they all skid to a stop. They are in another clearing, and standing opposite them is a beautiful brunette with icy blue eyes. Something about her triggers a tingle of familiarity in Emma.

"_Milah_?" Hook croaks, voice a broken whisper.

Emma stares at him in shock, eyes flicking from Hook to Neal to the woman and back again. Hook's face is ashen, azure eyes filled with such heartache that she has to look away. Neal is hardly any better.

His breathless whisper of "_Mama_?" tears at her heart and she watches as Milah's crystalline eyes water, a small tentative smile gracing her lips.

"Bae? Killian?"

"_How_?" Hook rasps—Emma just looks at her parents standing on Hook's other side, sharing a look of total bewilderment with them.

They don't have the time to waste, but that fact is swallowed up by the sheer impossibility of the moment.

"I don't know," Milah answers softly. "The last thing I remember is looking into your eyes and then nothing. I awoke on a beach here, lost and confused because I didn't know where I was and I'd thought it was the end for me."

"I…it can't—you can't be…" Emma feels her heart squeeze at Neal's halting words.

But it is Hook's wrecked, barely audible, "You died in my arms" that has tears springing to her eyes.

She feels Henry tug at her hand. "Mom?" he asks, confusion shining in his hazel eyes. And what can she say when she barely understands what's going on herself?

The sound of branches snapping brings their vulnerability slamming home, and everyone tenses in preparation for a fight. They barely relax as Regina and Gold appear.

"What the _hell_ are you all doing?!" Regina yells. "Why aren't you—"

"_You_!" Gold hisses, eyes shining with anger as they land on Milah.

It happens too fast for any of them to react, and Emma only has time to watch Milah's eyes widen in terror, to hear Neal and Hook's simultaneous "NO!" before Gold flings a bolt of magic. It hits Milah square in the chest and she drops to her knees with a shout, clutching near her heart. Gold steps closer, hand squeezing the air, a half-mad menacing smile on his lips.

"PAPA, NO!"

"MILAH!"

Hook and Neal's desperate cries get drowned out as Milah's agonized scream turns into a familiar unearthly screech.

They all watch with wide eyes as her form shifts and fades until all that's left is Pan's shadow, glowing eyes pinning Gold with a look of absolute loathing before it flies up through the jungle canopy, disappearing and leaving an eerie echo in its wake.

"Fools," Gold spits.

"I don't seem to recall you faring any better when it was Belle," Emma hears Regina mutter.

Wendy is resting her head on Neal's shoulder, arms wrapped slightly tighter in a show of comfort, and Emma can feel Hook trembling where their arms just barely make contact.

She can't look at his face, won't, paralyzed by the devastation she's sure she'll see there—_God what if it had been Graham?_ She knows that the image of Milah dying again before his eyes—at Gold's hand once more—is no less painful for the knowledge that she was just an illusion. She can't begin to imagine the agony of reliving something so horrific.

The sound of movement not far from them and David's "We've gotta move" sparks some life back into Hook. The pirate shakes his head, struggling to regain focus.

"No," he says. "We'll never outrun them and get the Jolly moving in time. They're too close."

"Tinkerbell said she would meet us on the ship with the pixie dust," Snow points out.

"Aye," Hook agrees. His gaze locks with Neal's, jaw set. "We're not far off. Take Wendy, Emma and Henry and get to the Jolly Roger. I trust you remember what I taught you?"

Neal nods solemnly in acknowledgment, his own expression still shaken.

"Good. Prepare her to sail out of the cove. The rest of us will remain here and hold Pan's rabble at bay. When you've gotten underway, signal us and we'll break for the beach." He turns to Regina, avoiding looking at Gold but addressing both. "How is your magic over distance?"

Regina's eyes light in understanding. "Between the two of us, we'll manage."

"What?" Emma asks in confusion, but she's ignored. The Lost Boys are nearly upon them.

"That settles it," David says. "Emma you guys need to go, now!"

"But—" Henry protests, but Emma meets Regina's eyes. _Henry is all that matters._

Hook shoves them forward again (she was going to be having a serious talk with him about that when this was all over). She and Henry plunge through the jungle, Neal and Wendy just ahead. Emma tries to block out the sound of fighting that starts up behind her. _Focus on Henry. _Swords clashing. _Just focus on Henry. _A cry of pain. _You'll see them again._

So she runs…again.

…

As soon as their feet hit the deck Neal begins shouting out directions. Emma and Henry scramble around the deck, tying off this and lowering that, preparing the ship to get underway. There's no sign of Tinkerbell yet and Emma tries to reassure herself that the fairy is on her way, that nothing happened to prevent her getting the one thing they need to go home. It was quite a risk they had asked her to take when she'd said the only way get the dust was to steal it from Pan's camp. _What if she decided not to come?_

Neal digs through one of the crates on the upper deck as the two of them finish up, Emma going to stand with Henry stiffly at the helm. She feels like there should be some kind of sound or something to reflect the urgency that she feels thrumming through her, but Neverland is still and silent. It's impossible to hide her anxiety, and Emma feels Henry give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Aha!" Neal cries triumphantly. He rushes to the wheel, turning it hard to port and towards the open sea.

"Wait!" Emma cries in panic. "What about the others?"

Neal shoots her a sly grin and hands Henry the object he'd found moments before. It's an ivory horn, longer than her forearm with an intricate pair of what look to be wings etched near the base and brushed with a dark stain. She figures it must be a relic of Hook's time as a treasure-hunting pirate.

"Give that a good strong breath to let them know we're ready and on the move," Neal instructs. Henry nods, takes a deep breath, and blows. Emma is surprised at the gorgeous crystal clear note that issues forth. The awe sparkling in Henry's eyes as he lowers the horn brings a brief smile to her lips.

"You're back!"

Emma jumps at the exclamation, already strained nerves setting her heart racing as she turns to see Tinkerbell coming up from below deck. With her relief, she can admit that she hadn't quite trusted the fairy to meet them on the ship despite her solemn promises to aid them. _Try something new, darling._ She pushes his voice from her mind.

"Where are the rest?" Tinkerbell asks, worry seeping into her voice.

"There they are!" Henry cries, pointing towards the beach. Already the Jolly Roger has put some distance between them and the shore, but Emma can still make out the five figures bursting from the trees. There is no sign of the Lost Boys or Pan's damn shadow, but Emma is sure they can't be far behind.

Emma watches apprehensively as they all stop at the edge of the water, Hook grasping Regina's hand and her parents each grabbing hold of Rumple's. Just as she is about to comment on the strange Kumbaya moment, the group vanishes from the shore in a cloud of red and violet smoke. Emma gapes.

A whoosh sounds behind her and she whirls around as the group appears on the lower deck, stumbling clumsily apart.

"Awesome!" Henry exclaims, rushing down the steps and tackling Regina in a hug. Neal makes his way down to the group as well, tentatively embracing his father and giving Hook a quick nod.

Emma stays by the wheel, unsure if it's okay to step away. Besides, they're not safe yet. Hellos and huggy reunions can wait. _More like you're inept at emotional anything._ Sometimes, she really wishes she could smack the voice in her head.

Hook extricates himself from the bunch, walking briskly (if a bit unsteadily) up to the helm. "Bloody awful way to travel," Emma hears him grumble. She gives a tense laugh as he takes over.

Emma looks back at the beach again, glad to see it disappearing as the ship picks up more and more speed. "Now what?" Emma asks Hook.

"Now comes the part where we have a little faith," Hook replies with a roguish grin. She's glad to see he's regained some equilibrium in their brief time apart.

"And some pixie dust," Tinkerbell says behind her, holding up a dark pouch with a proud smile. Adjusting the wheel until he is satisfied they are on course for the moment, Hook gives the fairy a nod of assurance.

"So how does this work?" Emma asks. "Do we just dump it all over the ship?"

Hook laughs. "That would be a terrible waste darling. Besides, we need Tink's magic to activate it."

"But you said you didn't have magic anymore," Emma says to Tinkerbell, trying not to let her frustration show.

"I'm hoping we can fix that," Tinkerbell responds hesitantly.

"One restored pixie, coming right up," Hook interjects. "Henry, lad! Come on up here a moment."

Henry gives Regina another quick squeeze before jogging up to them. He stands opposite Emma and Tinkerbell, giving Hook a quizzical look. "What do you need?" he asks without hesitation.

Hook laughs. "As direct as your mother."

Emma punches him in the arm.

"I heard tell that you're the Truest Believer," Hook continues unfazed. Henry nods warily. "Ah. Well Tink here could use a bit of that belief right now, savvy?"

Henry's eyes widen as Hook gestures at Tinkerbell to come forward.

"You really are Tinkerbell, aren't you?!" Henry gasps as she kneels in front of him. The childish excitement in his eyes makes Emma's heart swell all over again.

"I am," Tinkerbell acknowledges. "But I'm a bit useless at the moment. Can you help me? No one's believed in me in a very long time, and I need your help to get everyone home."

Henry lights up before their eyes, nodding enthusiastically. "You're Tinkerbell! You're THE fairy. Of course I believe in you!"

It is Emma's turn to gasp in delight as the blonde begins to glow softly, shrinking until she is barely a foot tall and hovering in front of Henry.

"You did it, lad!" Hook exclaims. Henry smiles brightly in response.

Tinkerbell laughs with joy, the sound reminding Emma of small tinkling bells. _So that's where her name comes from_ Emma thinks offhandedly. The newly restored fairy darts away, whirling up down and around the ship. Tinkerbell's joy is infectious, and Emma finds herself matching the smiles on Henry and Hook's faces.

Everywhere the fairy flies, there falls in her wake a fine shimmering dust. It coats every inch of the Jolly Roger until the ship glimmers faintly in the moonlight. Henry excitedly follows her progress, running down around the lower deck and mimicking her progress as she weaves through the sails. Emma tracks Tinkerbell's path, quirking a brow as the fairy ends by circling Hook a few times, showering him in pixie dust.

"A bit overzealous there, Tink," Hook says with a grin.

"A ship is only as good as her Captain," Tinkerbell's chirping voice responds.

Hook leans forward, whispering something against the wheel that Emma can't catch. "Are you talking to your ship?" she asks incredulously.

"Aye. Just watch, love. The Jolly and I are quite the team."

Emma makes to comment when the ship gives a small lurch and she stumbles. Regaining her balance, she looks around gasps.

They are no longer on the ocean. Instead, the ship is rising, growing closer and closer to the stars that Emma had spent so many nights in Neverland staring at, studying. She knows that flying home had been the plan all along. But the part of her that still has a bit of trouble with all this fairytale stuff, that doubts, screams that this should be impossible. _And how many impossible things have you seen in the last year?_

At some point she is going to have to seriously revisit her beliefs system. "So? How do we get to Storybrooke from here?"

Hook points.

"Second star to the right? Really?" Emma asks in disbelief as she looks where he's indicating.

"Actually it's the one on the left," Hook corrects. "We are _leaving_ Neverland after all."

"HENRY!"

Regina's frantic cry has Emma's heart racing as her attention snaps to the queen. It abruptly stops as she sees what has the normally unflappable queen so terrified.

"Mom!" Henry cries out in panic. He's struggling frantically, kicking wildly as he is lifted from the deck by Pan's shadow.

"No!" Emma yells. Gold and Regina stand helplessly, afraid of hitting Henry if they use magic. The shadow's already risen too high for Neal or her parents to help.

Emma doesn't think. She clambers onto the rail as the shadow flies in her direction with Henry. Leaping forward she just barely manages to grasp Henry's ankle, her momentum dragging them all back down to the deck.

Henry slips from the shadow's grasp as they crash into the unforgiving wood. Regina, Neal and Gold quickly surround them as her parents help her to her feet. Somewhere behind her, Emma hears Hook growl in frustration, unable to leave the helm for fear of something sending them off course at such a crucial moment.

Emma pulls Henry into her, unsheathing her sword as she watches the skies for the shadow.

"Where is it?!" David yells.

"Behind you!" Hook warns and Regina is the first to whip around, unleashing a fiery blast that grazes the shadow sneaking up on them.

"Careful!" Hook yells as the flames barely miss one of the sails. "If any those sails catch we're done."

Regina hisses in frustration but nods in understanding. The shadow dives again, knocking the Charmings aside and Emma finds herself barely managing to pull Henry out of its path as the wretched thing speeds through the spot they'd just been occupying.

"Stay away from my son!" Neal yells, swiping ineffectively at the demonic menace. Gold backs him up with a blast of magic.

The shadow releases a high grating screech as the magic hits it. For a moment, Emma thinks Gold's attack has worked.

But there's a sudden blast of wind and they are all knocked unceremoniously to the deck, dazed and vulnerable.

Emma's eyes widen as the shadow's glowing gaze meets hers, and she can almost swear that it smiles in triumph as it shifts its gaze to Henry who is shaking beside her.

Emma feels her rage flare. They are so close to finally getting home.

She is not going to let some fucking brat's twisted shadow take her son away from her. She is not going to lose Henry again.

As the shadow dives forward Emma leaps up in front of Henry.

She distantly recognizes the sound of Hook and her parents screaming her name in terror, but her attention is fixed on the demon coming for her son.

Embracing all the rage and frustration and pain of the last week on this damned island, Emma remembers Regina's words about letting her emotions guide her magic. Remembers with fury Neal's tragic expression and Hook's heartbreaking reaction to this shadow's cruel illusion.

Never again will she let her weaknesses and insecurities be manipulated. Never again will she allow this monster to do what it did to two people she cares about. Never again will she let someone take her family from her.

_Never again _she thinks, feeling the electric storm raging in her core, and she lets the churning thing inside her loose.

A hideous sound rents the air as golden light bursts from her, engulfing the shadow in light so bright Emma is forced to shut her eyes against it. The hellish scream echoes, carrying on for long agonizing moments, and Emma grinds her palms desperately into her ears trying to block it out.

Finally, the sound cuts off and the light fades.

Dazed and blinking spots from her vision, Emma looks to find the shadow gone.

"Mom?"

Emma turns and looks at Henry. He's still lying on the deck, staring up at her with wide eyes. For one heart-stopping moment, Emma thinks he's looking at her in fear.

His face shifts into a brilliant smile and Emma feels herself breathe again. "That was awesome!" he cries, launching himself into her waist and squeezing her tightly. She can't even bring herself to care about having trouble breathing as she hugs him back just as tightly.

"Emma, you did it!" Neal says, coming up to them and wrapping the two of them up in his arms.

Emma looks up, meeting Regina's eyes over Henry's head. She is thrown for a moment by the gratefulness she can clearly see there, but she understands the relief in them that she is sure is mirrored in her own eyes. She lets Neal have another moment before she shrugs him gently off, nudging Henry slightly as well. The kid understands immediately and turns to hug Regina just as tightly.

"Emma?"

Emma turns to where Mary Margaret stands with David, tears of relief shining in both their eyes. Remembering the terror in their voices as she faced down the shadow, she can feel her own eyes burning as she crosses the short distance between them. They wrap her in their embrace instantly, and Emma can't stop the soft sob as she finally lets her parents' love and comfort wash over her.

"I see you've finally learned to believe, Miss Swan," Gold's voice interrupts. "Destroying Pan's shadow is no small feat, especially for a novice." Emma turns to him, still pissed about how he handled the situation in the jungle, her parents a solid presence at her back.

"Like I said when we got to Neverland. I'm a mother," she says firmly. Looking to Henry and Regina she continues, "And no one is taking our son away again."

Emma looks to Hook who meets her gaze instantly. She can see the last remnants of panic fading from his ocean eyes, his fingers still squeezing the wheel in a white-knuckled grip, and she gives him a small reassuring nod. _I'm okay._ After a moment, he nods hesitantly back.

"I think it's time we finally went home," Neal says, drawing Emma's attention. She smiles at him in agreement.

David clears his throat roughly and all eyes turn to him. Emma feels her stomach drop as she remembers the secret he'd revealed in Echo Cave not three days before. "I can't go with you," he says sadly. "If I leave Neverland, the spring's magic will cease and the dreamshade will kill me."

Emma can't deal with the look on Mary Margaret's face. Her mother's face is pale, eyes shining with indecision and heartbreak as a part of her wars between staying in what amounts to self-enforced exile with the cursed love of her life, or returning to Storybrooke without him to be with her daughter and grandson. Emma is secretly (or not-so-secretly if the holes Hook is staring into the back of her head are any indication) terrified of the choice she'll make.

"I can help with that!" Tinkerbell pipes up, and Emma briefly wonders where the fairy had got to when the shadow attacked.

The looks Snow and Charming both give the fairy are pathetically hopeful. Emma just savagely stomps on the spark of hope that's trying to kindle in her own heart. She won't let herself wish in vain.

Emma turns to head to the upper deck, not wanting to get swept up in the hopeful atmosphere, when Tinkerbell explains. "When we cross realms and Neverland's magic fades, I can use the last of the pixie dust to counter the dreamshade!"

Emma's head snaps up and she immediately seeks out Hook for confirmation of the fairy's words. There's a strange tormented expression on his face as he asks, "Are you absolutely certain, Tink?"

Emma hears the fairy's indignant huff. "Of course I'm sure! I'd never offer if I wasn't."

Hook stares Tinkerbell down for a long moment, searching for any uncertainty, before flicking Emma a glance and nodding. "Alright then. Let's get the hell away from this bloody island."

Emma feels a significant weight lift as she turns back to her parents. She walks up to them, stopping beside them as she fights the lump forming in her throat.

"We're going home, Emma," Mary Margaret whispers tearfully. "All of us."

Emma nods shakily as a few small tears escape her own traitorous eyes. David pulls her into their embrace and kisses her forehead before she can protest, and she finds in that moment that she never wants them to let go of her. Warmth presses into her side and Emma draws Henry effortlessly into the family hug.

Family. Her family. Despite everything Pan has thrown their way, Emma is leaving this accursed island with her son, Neal, her parents…_Hook_ that smug little voice whispers, and Emma's too grateful to dismiss it this time.

She's not an orphan, not a lost girl anymore. She has people who love her, unconditionally.

Emma looks down at her son and smiles.

Henry grins in return and glances back over his shoulder, looking to the pirate in charge of getting them back to Storybrooke. "Guide us home, Captain!"

Emma shifts slightly to see Hook looking down at him in surprise before he nods and meets Emma's eyes. "As you wish."

Emma can't help but smile and roll her eyes in response.

...

_And if I walk away_  
_Please follow me,_  
_If I walk away,_  
_Please follow me._

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**_Hope you enjoyed. The next chapter will be a bit delayed because I have a dress rehearsal and concert this weekend. Aside from that, the posting schedule will ideally be once a week for now. It may be twice depending on my work schedule each week. For constant updates on the status of this story, head to my Tumblr (reignofdreams) and look up the tag 'fic: iiwa'._**


	2. Chpt 2: Just on the Horizon

_**Finally finished this chapter. I have an early shift tomorrow but I wanted to get this posted. I apologize for any typos/errors. I'll be looking through it again tomorrow. Enjoy!**_

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**Chapter 2: Just on the Horizon**

_Weightless drifting through stars I got_

_Faithless woke in the dark and I made this from my dream._

_Play me all your sweet rhymes_

_Recreate me, now comes the time when I'll need your truth to see._

_~If I Walk Away, Josh Groban_

…

Emma grins as the Jolly Roger alights on the water with a splash, squeezing Henry to her side in her excitement as they gaze out over the ship's rail.

Home. They're finally home.

Well, almost home. Looking out she can't see Storybrooke anywhere. They're somewhere in the middle of what she hopes is the Atlantic, floating quietly on calm dark waters. The absence of the subtle background humming she's come to associate with the magic of Neverland and the Enchanted Forest tells her that they are at _least_ in the correct realm.

Emma immediately looks to Hook at the helm. There's an odd look in his eyes, a mixture of pain and fondness.

"Henry," Emma says, "I'll be right back. I need to speak to Hook."

Henry gives her an odd little glance but nods. She gives him a quick hug, still unable to believe that her son is really back with her. If the squeeze she gets in return is any indication, Henry feels the same. Emma watches as he skips over to her parents, settling on one of the crates between David and Mary Margaret. Despite all he's been through, his energy seems to know no bounds. She's glad to see he's so resilient.

Making her way to the upper deck, Emma stops at the bottom of the steps and allows herself a moment to just observe Hook. Despite the emotions and the far off look in his eyes, the pirate looks at ease behind the wheel of his ship. Her son is back with them safe and sound and there is nothing stopping her now. She can finally allow herself to _see _the man who has made it all possible.

She has always been aware that Hook is gorgeous—trying to tell herself otherwise would have been futile and way too much effort. His lean muscles are accentuated by the ridiculously distracting full-body leather he wears, and that _neckline—_sinfully low and teasing her with an eyeful of dark curls on his chest that she can't deny she's thought about reaching out to touch (she never claimed to be a saint). Difficult on the eyes, Hook is not. Emma wants to rage a bit at whatever creator thought it fair to the rest of humanity to grace this man with such a strong jaw and high cheekbones that led you straight to his arresting blue eyes—those eyes that hold so many secrets and pierce her defenses so effortlessly. Hook is devastatingly attractive, an asset he has never hesitated to capitalize on with all those quirked eyebrows, mischievous smirks, and rapid fire innuendos. Honestly, if lust was all there was to the attraction she felt for him, she'd have given in ages ago.

But what she's felt stirring for Hook (for longer than she's willing to acknowledge) is a lot more complicated than animal lust.

It's a budding friendship, founded on shared adventures and their inexplicably compatible personalities. He evokes a lightness in her, a joyful playful feeling that she hasn't experienced since she was seventeen and living an adrenaline-fueled life with Neal. Hook's innuendo and banter make her laugh and smile and roll her eyes, even occasionally respond in kind. She in turn challenges him, brings the occasional genuine smile to his lips. And if what he's said and done in the last week is any indication, she brings out some of the best in him just by being herself—being just Emma.

It's the easiness she feels more often than not when she is around him. A contentment born from the simple yet monumental fact that Hook _gets_ her. He reads her like no one else in her life ever has. And despite the terrifying leverage such knowledge gives him over her, he has only ever used it to serve her best interests.

Hook has goaded her and flirted with her and nearly driven her to insanity with his crusade against Gold. But he has only once lied to her—_blacksmith? Really? _It's a trivial thing at best. What's _not_ trivial is the fact that he has never hurt her, has never abandoned her. He's gone out of his way to comfort her, support her, defend her—_God _when she stops and thinks about it, he's done so much for her. He has followed her lead and steadied her and he has asked for nothing in return. No acknowledgment of heroics, no thanks…

And Emma…Emma has no _idea_ what she's supposed to do with all that.

She isn't ready to delve into her own feelings that deeply just yet. But seeing him so at home behind the wheel, standing tall and sure with the breeze ruffling his dark hair…she can acknowledge to herself that he appears nothing short of magnificent.

"Are you going to study me all evening, lass?"

Emma blinks at Hook's voice, grinning sheepishly at him and closing the remaining distance to his side.

"Don't let it go to your head, buddy." He grins at her in response. "So where are we?"

"I would wager we're a couple hours from Storybrooke," he answers.

She quirks a brow at him. "And how can you tell that?"

"The stars? Captain's instinct?" he shrugs. "Does it really matter? I told you I would get you and your family home, love. Have a little faith."

Emma does have faith in him, knows that he will do everything possible to get them home. She looks to the rest of the group relaxing on the lower deck. Seeing both her parents wrapping Henry between them has tears burning at her eyes, the relief of having her son and parents and even Neal all back together bringing a lump to her throat.

They stand there in companionable silence for a few minutes, but soon enough she sees the look that drew her up here creep back into his eyes. Her curiosity is a nagging thing, insistent and annoying and finally she just gives in.

Emma opens her mouth, hesitates, and shuts it again. She can't. It feels invasive to just ask him, and way too intimate of a question considering the distance she's been trying (and miserably failing) to keep. She doesn't know how to ask him about the look that has lingered in his eyes since Tinkerbell said she could heal David, doesn't know how to ask him how he's holding up after the shadow's cruel ruse. Really, when it comes to talking about anything remotely personal between the two of them, Hook is the one who tends to take the reins. _Damn_ she thinks.

She wants to believe that it's just casual concern, that she's equally attentive to the others. It's a feeble attempt at best.

The truth is her worry is specifically for Hook, for the man who continually inserts himself into her life and keeps her on her toes. He's becoming more and more of a constant in her life, and she finds that she _wants _to understand him as well as he does her. She wants to know what makes this contradictory man tick.

"If you have something to ask me, lass, it would probably be best to just spit it out," Hook says, teasing grin on his face.

Emma shoots him a mild glare, unable to think of a tactful way to phrase what she wants to know. She huffs in irritation. _Fuck it_.

"Why are you so upset?" she blurts out.

Hook blinks in confusion. "I don't know what you mean."

And she's rambling before she can stop herself. "Well not upset exactly but sad. But not really sad, more like bittersweet sad and I'm gonna stop now."

She can see him closing himself off, even as he says, "It's nothing you need to be concerned about, love."

"You can't pull that bullshit with me, Hook," she counters. "You've had that wounded look in your eyes since Tink said she could help David get home."

Emma stops and reevaluates that last bit, and Hook frowns as her eyes soften with sudden understanding.

"It has to do with your brother, doesn't it?" she guesses.

Hook flinches. Emma remembers with a wince the way she'd carelessly broached the topic while they were in Neverland. It hadn't been one of her finer moments, but she'd been desperate for a way to save David from an eternal existence on that godforsaken island. Still…she wishes she'd used a bit more finesse when asking about such a painful subject (to say nothing of her timing and their audience).

"I know I messed up before, in Neverland," she admits. "And if you don't want to talk about him, that's fine."

It really isn't. She wonders how long it's been since he's spoken of his brother, wonders if he thinks about him all the time or if he locked the memories away. Emma isn't blind. She isn't the only one who's locked her past behind reinforced emotional barricades. Hook is all wit and flirtation and for as much as he reads others, she's noticed the way he hides himself. His defenses may be different than hers, but she has no doubt his walls are just as strong as her own…possibly stronger.

So she's going to take a page out of his book and leave the decision in his hands. He's reached out to her before during this venture—_I too, know what it is to lose hope_—but in her desperation to recover her son, she'd swiftly shut down his attempts. She regrets that, and she finds that she very much wants him to open up to her now. He's given them all so many glimpses of something…else, something more and Emma wants to know what else might be there. She…she wants to know more about the man behind Captain Hook.

Hook gives her a wary look so she plows on.

"I just want you to know that, uh, I'll listen if you…if you want to talk." Emma winces again at that the awkward delivery. Hook doesn't say anything and she turns to head back to her family, cursing her own ineptitude.

"It's been over three centuries since this ship last took to the skies."

Emma freezes, looking back over her shoulder. Hook's brow is furrowed, internal struggle written clearly upon his face.

But he's trying, he's reaching out, and this time around she has no intention of rebuffing him.

She returns to his side. "You've flown before?"

He locks the wheel in place, turning towards her but avoiding her gaze. "Aye. I was not always a pirate, and back then she sailed under different colors as the Jewel of the Realm. She was the finest vessel in King Matthus's royal fleet."

"You were in the navy?" she asks in surprise.

Hook gives her that soft earnest look. "Does that really surprise you?" he asks and there's a new note of resignation to the otherwise familiar question.

She thinks about it. She considers how many times he's surprised her with his choices and his sacrifices, his constant talk of honor and being a gentleman and good form, his willingness to leave himself vulnerable for the sake of her happiness. Emma remembers every charged moment between them—realizes that despite what he feels for her, he has always left the choice up to her, never pushed her.

"No," she answers firmly. "It doesn't surprise me at all."

She knows she's said the right thing as his face lights up with genuine astonishment and delight. It's a beautiful sight, and Emma finds she wants to coax that smile from him more often.

He composes himself after a moment, a hint of a grin still visible. "As I was saying, she used to be a naval vessel. Liam - Liam was my older brother and my captain. He was…everything that I aspired to be. Brave, honorable, loyal…" Blue eyes soften in fond remembrance.

"We were sent to Neverland on a secret mission by the King. Liam commissioned a sail woven from the feathers of the last Pegasus to get there. I have seen and experienced many things in my prolonged existence, but none has ever quite matched the _wonder_ I felt during that first flight. The wind, the clouds all around, close enough to touch—and when the sun had set, _Gods, _the beauty of the stars…"

Emma listens with rapt attention, hypnotized by the rise and fall of his lilting voice.

"How old were you?" she asks.

"Seventeen," he tells her. She wonders what he must have been like at that age, if the flirtatious dashing man she knows always existed or if it is a mask he has cultivated in the wake of loss. "We met Pan shortly after we landed in Neverland. We'd been told the plant we were sent to bring back was a medicine, a remedy of incredible strength that would heal all but death. Such a thing would have been invaluable as our kingdom was caught in a vicious conflict." Hook pauses, eyes darkening. "Pan told us that what we were searching for was the deadliest poison on the island, one that could devastate entire armies. Liam wouldn't hear it, couldn't believe that our king would act so dishonorably. I was less…convinced, but I allowed Liam to persuade me it couldn't be true. We found what we were searching for and when I once again expressed my doubts…" Killian trails off jaw clenched, expression pinched.

"What happened?" Emma gently coaxes.

"He tested it on himself to prove it was harmless," Killian whispers. "The dreamshade your father was poisoned with was diluted yet still lethal. My brother scored his arm with it and it felled him almost immediately. I…I didn't know what to do, my brother was all I had and he lay all but dead in my arms. I was helpless. That was when Pan appeared again, revealed the spring guarded by the dreamshade, told me it could heal Liam. He told me there would be a price, that we shouldn't leave the island unless we were willing to pay it."

Emma lays her hand on his shoulder, does her best to pretend she doesn't see the glassy shimmer of his eyes. He laughs harshly.

"I was so naive…willing to pay anything without even considering what that truly meant. I didn't know what the price was at the time, few as my encounters with magic had been. We left immediately, determined to return and make our king's cowardice plot known. We thought, naively, that we were home free. But the moment we landed in our world, Neverland's magic stopped." Hook's voice is rough. "My brother died in my arms for a dishonest and dishonorable king. The day I relinquished his body to the sea was the day I embraced the life of a pirate. I have served none but myself ever since."

He trails off into silence, and Emma leaves him to his thoughts and memories. She can't imagine how devastated he must have been. But she does know the same feeling of disillusionment he must have felt, finding that the king he thought he knew was something completely different. She'd been so angry with herself after her arrest, cursing herself for not seeing the betrayal coming. She spent years blaming herself for being blindly trusting, for thinking that Neal loved her enough to settle down. Emma knows now that loving her was never the problem, but it doesn't change ten years of self-recrimination. She imagines Hook was much the same.

Bright laughter draws their attention to the lower deck. Mary Margaret's laughter lights up the otherwise quiet night, brought about by a mock duel Neal and Henry are having. Neal clearly managed to dig up a couple of wooden swords somewhere, and he's currently pleading for Henry to show mercy while making amusing faces. Henry is trying to remain the stoic victor, but a smile is quickly creeping out as Wendy giggles from the sidelines. Even Regina is smiling nearby, the overwhelming joy at having Henry back mellowing her for the time being.

Emma wishes she could bottle this moment, this unfettered happiness.

"You have quite a family down there, love."

The wistfulness in his voice draws her attention back to him. He's watching Henry and Neal, a sad smile on his face. "All Baelfire…Neal ever wanted as a boy was a family. I'm glad to see he has finally found one."

There's a quiet honesty to his words, a current of _something_ beneath it that she can't quite define. "And what about you? Did you, do you want a family?"

"Don't all lost boys and girls?" he responds without looking at her. "Aye, it is my hope that perhaps one day, I can experience such a happiness."

_Lost boy?_ Emma wants to ask him what he means, but he continues before she can.

"Alas, I'm afraid three hundred years chasing vengeance will not allow me such an opportunity." Hook smiles self-deprecatingly. He finally meets her eyes again. "Villains don't get happy endings after all."

He holds her with his sad steady gaze and it suddenly hits her. Three hundred. Hook has been alive for over _three hundred _years, most of that spent unchanging, caught in the cruel timeless magic of Neverland. She'd brushed the number off when he had first told her—another weird thing in her life that she just didn't have the capacity to deal with at the time.

But listening to him talk of a time when tragedy did not define him, looking into his eyes now she can see the cracks, the scars and wounds to his spirit that his unnaturally long life has garnered him. Losses both new and old have healed over to leave gnarled scars on his heart.

She turns to him, squaring her shoulders and gently touching his cheek. His eyes widen at her touch. She doesn't want him to read too much into it, but she needs him to hear what she wants to say to him.

"You are _not_ a villain," she says, voice low and adamant. "You've done things you're not proud of, that have hurt other people, but you have also done so much to _help _us…to help me." She swallows, nerves rising as she takes in his stunned silence. "I don't know what we—I'd have done if you hadn't come back that day and offered your help. I've been able to rely on you every step of the way and that mean a lot to me. I don't believe you're a villain, just a man who's made bad choices for right and wrong reasons."

"A few good deeds doesn't make up for lifetimes of selfishness," he manages to croak out.

Emma smiles. "No, but it's a start." She remembers the day they'd found him beneath the bodies of Cora's victims, remembers with sudden clarity the name he gave them, wonders if the name was a lie as well. _No harm in taking a chance…It's just a name_. Emma takes a fortifying breath. "Thank you. Thank you for everything, Killian."

She can see the delay, see the second it clicks for him what she called him. Not a lie then, and perhaps, more than just a name. The way his eyes soften with wonder, the sigh that escapes him…

"It's been quite a long time since I heard that name," he whispers. He smiles at her. "You're very welcome, lass. I'd do it all again if I had to."

She blushes and turns away to hide it. Her eyes automatically gravitate to Henry who's settled comfortably with her parents and yawning. She feels herself yawn in response and Hook's…Killian's quiet chuckle sounds behind her.

"You'd best get some rest, love," he says. "You and your family have been through quite the ordeal. We should arrive near dawn."

She wants to tell him she's fine, but another wide yawn nixes that idea. "Go," Killian urges. "Rest while you can. I expect the townsfolk will be quite eager to welcome you back."

Her body is beginning to make it's exhaustion known, aching and heavy and lethargic. "Alright," she concedes. She gives his shoulder a friendly squeeze. "Remember what I said. And really…thanks."

He gives her a wink and a slight bow. "It was my pleasure. Pleasant dreams, darling."

Emma laughs and makes her way down to her family.

Soon they'll be in Storybrooke. There, she will finally be able to take a step back and appreciate the way her life has changed, the second chance she's been given.

_That's when the fun begins_.

She smiles to herself.

She's maybe, possibly looking forward to it.

…

_So I if I walk away,_

_Please follow me,_

_If I walk away,_

_Please follow me._

* * *

**_Next chapter will be coming after Christmas, as I have a CS Secret Santa gift fic that needs all of my attention. Merry Christmas!_**


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